Tuesday, April 19, 2011

An Embarrassing Truth.

When I posted earlier in the year about writer's block, I took an extreme step to rectify it. I've been hesitant to share it, as it's not my normal fare, but I simply *had* to get something on a page. A friend challenged me, when she heard about this, to post one of the exercises I used. Here, without a title, are the lyrics to the first complete, coherent rap I've ever written.

Don't laugh. =P

I walk into the club in a three-piece,
Haters starin’,
but when I’m walkin’ out,
I’m in the bush like Garen.
Bitches like the look of me
and my personality
they buy all my drinks
from my iced tea to Hennessy
They all want a piece of me,
this cake ain’t no lie
Class gets you ass
piled up to the sky,
I ain’t even gotta try,
just open up my parsel-mouth
‘cuz I’m a silver-tongued serpent,
of this there is no doubt.
But I never spit game that ain’t based in truth,
like Obi-Wan, it just depends on your point of view,
and from my view of you
I can tell we ain’t square,
You need more proof?
Just check out this hair--
it’s luxurious
and like King T,
all you know is I’m “mysturrious”
Women all love me,
I’m artistic and SuavĂ©, like Rico
and on the karaoke mic
I croon ‘em like Dino.
I spit a lot of fire,
but it ain’t without cause,
got bambinas in my lap
like I was Santa Claus
grantin’ Christmas wishes
while I peel off their stockings
Body of Apollo,
with the brain of Stephen Hawking
And if that weren’t enough
to keep your ladies gawking,
My vocabulary is plain damn shocking,
It’s my mastery of language
that keeps the ladies flocking
My poetic skills keep chastity belts unlocking
and bedposts rocking--
I’m a cunning linguist
and they like the way I get down
oral oratorial master of the verb and noun
makin’ your nose red, ‘cuz you’sa fuckin’ clown,
single-handedly keepin’ your bed lookin’ like a ghost town,
while all your best ladies line up just to lie down.
Dr. House’s rule of grammar: Everybody lies.
and in the end, sad it seems, everyody dies.
It’s the time in-between
that’s this actor’s scene.
If all the world’s a stage, and people just players,
I’m goin’ out for the lead, and y’all can play the haters.


  1. Wow. Color me impressed! Amazing man, simply amazing. You can hear the flow if it as you read. Now when do we get to see the music video debut?

    And I want my cheese sandwich story! lol

  2. I actually did laugh a little, but not at you! Some of those lines are so nerdy, but in a fantastic way.

    It's a well-written nerd rap, which there should be more of, as most are too "ironic" to be taken seriously.

  3. I second that. We want the music video!