Friday, March 11, 2011

Great Joys of Life, Pt. II: Women

"Who does not love wine, women, and song, remains a fool his whole life long."

They're snarky, hateful, spiteful, argumentative, stubborn, loud, stupid, ignorant, and evil.

And yet, despite all these flaws, men are still loved by women. You probably thought I was going somewhere else with that, but it's true. I mean, women can be all those things, too. In fact, they're better at them than men. The point is that they're also many, many other wonderful things. Women are also smart, beautiful, stylish, funny, enchanting, and captivating. That's why we put up with them.

Ville Valo said "Women are always beautiful." I have to agree. Even at their fiery-eyed, viper-tongued, she-beast worst, they're the most utterly gorgeous creatures crafted by the Maker. Their mere presence in a room changes the atmosphere, charging it with a magic usually reserved for glorious sunrises and the blossoming of flowers after a rainstorm. When they smile, the room floods with beauty. When they cry, it's as though the very sky weeps. When they hug, you are truly wrapped in the arms of love.

I haven't had the best track record with women, honestly. I've dated the most motley assortment of liars, cheats, psychopaths, and sluts imaginable. They've been terrible to me, as I'm sure they feel I have been to them, and have caused me a great deal of trouble and strife (which, fittingly enough, was once Cockney slang for "wife"). I can't trust them as far as I can throw them, and yet I routinely delight in their presence. Why? Because they're captivating.

The song "Pretty Women" from Sweeny Todd illustrates this point nicely, as do any of the ten thousand other songs written to proclaim their beauty. Poetry was, I'm quite positive, invented to spread stories of their grace, loveliness, and heartbreaking tendencies. As Futurama pointed out, "All of civilization was just an attempt to impress the opposite sex." I am, for all the trouble it brings me, addicted to women: their presence, their warmth, their forms, their functions, and their faults. Each one of them is gorgeous in a unique way, so long as they stay true to themselves. And as much as they might be the cause of many of man's problems, they're also a solution to a great many. We love you, ladies.

"Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage."


  1. *hugs* You're pretty awesome, yourself.

  2. Hear, Hear! Well spoken good sir. And as a fellow Female-ophile; I have to agree. Women are the fairer and more blessedly wondrous of the sexes. However do they manage to put up with us? Even married I still haven't manage to unlock that great mystery of life.